Making my 50th year…..
I turn 50 this year. It is an interesting number, half century and all that. It is also the first time that I have had to reflect on my life, a serious agonizing reflection. For the last 15 years I have raised three beautiful intelligent compassionate ambitious successful children. My own growth stalled because I chose to shut myself off from the world. My childhood experience left me with the desire to not have boyfriends in and out of my children’s lives. I didn’t engage in any relationships. I lived for my children, my life was planned an organized to give them the opportunities I felt were taken from me because my mother “lived her life”. I do not regret my choice, I just realize that I should have found a better balance. I have struggled for the last two years trying to find my path, my plan, to organize my life. I used to be able to see the map of my life years ahead, but I felt lost. I don’t know where or what I will be doing next year and it is very unsettling. What I have decided is that I do need to open myself to relationships. Open my life to feelings, open to creating relationships that may not be what I expect. Open myself to the unexpected, again. I say again because my life took a turn 26 years ago. An unexpected event took me from how I thought I would live to an exceptional life. I am again faced with a choice to remain steadfast or allow change to happen. I choose now to go of the idea of my life just as I did 26 years ago. Let go of what I wanted my life to be and to allow my life to unfold.
My 50 year pledge…Prepare for the unexpected…
#makingmelinda68 #halfcenturylife #being50 #newhoods #hoods